Sunday, April 24, 2016

Love Letter to the Rejected

Dear You, 


That's the you reading these words. Whoever you are I wish you love; whether I know you are not. 


I didn't have the easiest weekend. If you're reading this there's a strong chance you've been having a harder time too. I don't know who rejected you or in what circumstances. Maybe a boyfriend? A girlfriend? Your dream job? Your friends?

I was rejected. I thought I had a dream job in the bag. The people at the other end of my interview thought otherwise. I traveled several thousand miles and spent money and time all to be told. 'Unfortunately, we can't offer you a position.'

That's an easy thing to type out.

There's nothing easy about absorbing a rejection though. You've experienced it too. You know. And I just want to say to you and me. Don't hate yourself for it.


Often times you see it coming or at the very least, you know it's a real possibility. You know things don't always turn out how you expect them. You know things can go south and that you shouldn't take that personally.

You've heard all the platitudes: 'You only fail if you don't try.' 'Who said life was fair?' Maybe you've heard them from well-meaning loved ones. Often, it comes from the voice in your head trying to reassure you.

You know rejection is to be expected. You know it. You've seen it and chances are, you've felt it before.

Here's the thing though. Rejection is painful, no matter what. And when it attacks, you absorb it and feel all its claw marks. It will inflict pain, no matter how thick your armor. There's no way around it. You shouldn't expect yourself to be immune to it. No one is. It will hurt you and sometimes your spirit will be slashed to strips.

When a lover rebuffs us. When a dream job slips from our grasp. When the school, person, application or career we invested so much of ourselves in vanishes between our fingers and winds up shattered on the floor.

When we try, try and try to be the people we want to be yet despite all our efforts we still get our souls trampled into the muck. 

When all that happens. Remember, that's ok. You're human. You fail. You feel shitty because you fail. That's ok.

You're not perfect. I'm not. Neither are the people you imagine to have lives free of the struggles you do. 

To be human is to have yourself ravaged by rejection more often than not.

And yet I also want to say, you don't have to let your demon say: 'I was right! I was right all along! You were worthless! You are nothing! I own you! I was right!'

At some point, you will have the strength to reach out grab it's rotting arm and say:

'You are only right if I allow you to be!'

Your wounds can heal. You can clean them. You can sew them up. You can shake until you become unshakable. You can put yourself out there again. You can keep going.

Much Love,
A Fellow Reject 


  1. To my dear Fellow-Rejected-One (for "dear Fellow-Reject" hits the ear a bit more harshly, eh? Well, the eye, anyway...):

    Have just stumbled upon your blog (whilst researching female ninjas--kudos to your Mochizuki page!), and, as such, have only gotten to read this post and another one from late 2015 (with the same theme).

    Want to wish you the best in your hunt (or, like, various hunts, if you're anything like me), and, more importantly, I want to offer you some encouragement in your depression (though I'm hoping that you're less depressed than you were when you wrote this)!

    Actually, this “comment” turned into a letter of over two pages (in Pages), so I’ve truncated it for the moment (would be happy to send it to you, but you might be so horrified that you forget all about your sadness. Which would be great, though. But again, here’s hoping you’re feeling the sting not-as-keenly-as-two-months-ago! :)

    Anyway, would love to have you write for one of my magazines! Alas, our budget is $0, so it would be “one of THOSE writing gigs,” but one is all about games, education, gamification, having fun whilst learning and learning even during play (you don’t want to know how much I’ve learned about history from...uh, this one Graphic Novel series. But don’t tell anyone about that. Heh. :)

    The other magazine is about, very frankly, the flames of PASSION! (Nothing improper, though.)
    Like, interests and pursuits that our contributors feel SO KEENLY in their veins that they might cook or sculpt or game (or write, even :) to the point of physical exhaustion.
    Can they stay away, though?
    Of course not. Even if they don’t benefit or do suffer. It’s in their blood, in their very souls.
    They’re SO all about that interest that it’s like being in love. (I’m a polymath, so I feel that way about lots of stuff, and yes, my health has, indeed, suffered quite a bit from my obsessive pursuit of art, photography, writing, designing, inventing, and a dozen other things (including “being an apothecary of doom”).

    Anyway, I’m sure that’s tons more than you care to read about *that*, but I just wanted to say hullo and wish you the best (and extend that invitation, of course).

    And, of course, say that there’s other people out there who feel the exact same way.

    (And that your eloquent words may have--infinitesimally, at least--lessened the pain in our own hearts...


    Much love (and some prayers) to you, too!

    PS-Now that I've read my blather, I realised how embarrassing it is! Feel free to delete after reading, hehe.

    1. Hi Anti-Socialite,

      Thanks so much for your comment! I loved the encouragement you gave :) I'll write you more later as I'm pretty busy but your words are well received and deeply appreciated.

      Much Love Back

  2. It’s no secret that a man’s ego has a powerful pull on him.

    In fact this hardwired need to impress and to WIN is so deeply embedded into the male mind...

    That nearly everything a man truly desires is based around this biological “drive” to prove, succeed and to win.

    It’s why so many men become workaholics, gym junkies or become obsessed with their hobbies.

    But what most women don’t know... how deeply this “drive” is connected to his love, desire, and attraction for the woman in his life.

    And I’m about to show you how you can “tap into” a man’s ege to refocus that same drive and gut level obsession...

    ...on pleasing you, romancing you, and proving his love for you like you’re his sole purpose in life.

    Here’s how: ==> The “Go Ahead” Signal That Makes Him Obsessed With Winning Your Love

    Mr Gix

    P.S. When you tap into a man’s ego this way, you can cause him to literally become obsessed with proving his love for you. So please don’t use this on a man unless you are ready for something serious.

    Thanks again.

  3. I'm not going to lie: when I decided to work on my English project late at night, this was probably the last page I expected to be on after tracing the link for a picture. Heck, if you actually read this you're probably as confused as I was. Nevertheless, I was somehow pulled into reading your blog. All I can say is wow. I hope that this far into the future you were able to move on and find another job that suits you better than the one you thought you needed.

    I also owe you a thank you. While my reason may be more for disappointment rather than rejection, I have that devil on my shoulder occasionally reminding me that I'm not as talented or special as I sometimes think I am. It's a real kick in the face. But just being able to read again and again that it's just being human, that making mistakes is what I was made to do, it really helps. My subconscious tells me I already knew about this since day one, but I guess hearing it said so strongly from someone I don't even know made a big difference.

    I just want to tell you that even when you feel alone, you're not the only Reject in this world, and everyone who has ever felt broken or ashamed or neglected will all be standing beside you when you need us most. Good luck in all the rest life dares to throw at you; what can it do to crack the armor of thousands? We are and always will be a part of you.

    A Friend