It's now 8:24pm: I've typed the first paragraph of
these reflections. Now, I turn towards the moment when I switched on my TV and
heard Al Jazeera report on the news that the Thai army has assumed full control
of the government and arrested rival political leaders at a gathering. I saw
this report at a little past 7pm. I keep the TV on for an hour, flipping
between International News networks, to see if anyone has new information. I
make a call or two. I send a text message. I'm not sure if I'm fueling panic or
not by writing these to post on my blog tomorrow.
At a little before 8:20pm: An AJE reporter on my box
says that International Networks are being disconnected and local stations have
already been taken off the air. Within less then a minute, the signal for AJE
cuts out along with all other signals. By this point, I've tried several times
to get online. My apartment's internet is out. It's a poor quality and often cuts
out. I begin to wonder. Was the signal overloaded as it often is? Or was it
disconnected by the powers that be.
It's now 8:32pm: and I've finished recounting
everything that led me up to this sentence.
I pause, wondering what to write next, wondering why I
started writing these thoughts down in the first place?
I think back to uncertainty.
Silence and quiet: They are pervasive now in my apartment, in my building in the world outside. The loudest noises I hear are Geckos chirping, going about their lives on the walls and in the bush. I don't hear the sound of anyone talking. I don't hear my neighbors' doors slamming as they go out or come back from eating.
Only Geckos, my fan, bugs buzzing. These are the sounds I hear.
I realize how silly a fear this is. Human existence has always been subject to unknowns. A coup or an event such as this, simply throws this more into perspective.
Our lives, are rather ordinary and routine lives, can be suddenly put on hold by forces we don't understand or comprehend, not truly. Sometimes it's a human force like an army, sometimes its nature.
There's not much we can truly do about it.
I suddenly get up and switch my TV on again to check if I can get new info from there.
It's 8:53pm: The signals are all still out. My internet won't come back.
I decide to stay, after debating with myself about whether to go or not. I wonder if my friends and family will worry. Some will more than others, I'm sure. But when the curfew ends tomorrow at 5:am, i'll be able to go out.
I remember how some of the curfews in Egypt were only loosely enforced. I remember how I arrived at t
I remind myself, how Thailand isn't Egypt. I decided again to stay in my apartment.
I start thinking of myself and others again.
I wonder if people I know in Chiang Mai are more aware of what's going on than I am. I wonder if everyone has news about the curfew and if they're sitting in their homes as I am right now.
I think of my students. I think both of the ones I've taught and those I'm teaching now. I think of the small seven and six year old faces I've seen today, today which was a normal day of school.
I wonder if they are aware of anything that's going on in their country. I wonder if they are asleep now, dreaming. I wonder if they are playing. I wonder if they've seen or heard something from the world around them that makes them feel unsafe on this night. I sincerely hope they do not. I deeply, lovingly hope they have not.
I find myself wishing them and everyone they know a great night of rest.
I wonder if I will have school tomorrow. I highly doubt it.
I've tried watching a movie but unfortunately I wasn't in a mood to see any of the films I have on my computer. TV still out, as is the net.
I wish I could update myself on what's going on tonight. I have a feeling most of my friends and family outside of Thailand will know more than I do about this night than I will.
This is something I do all so often...only now it's being imposed on me. It's an odd kind of normalcy. So much of what happens during times of crises like this is mundane, I've found. It never grabs attention in the media.
I imagine most people in this country are going to wake up like me tomorrow and wonder how mundane their Friday will be. Yet most will doubt awake, we will breathe we will blink we will feel the heat touch our skin and we will stick our heads out the door to see what awaits us.
So, with that, I end my thoughts.
It is now 10:21pm.